I always have a good laugh when I hear people's responses to certain statements or questions. If you've got time, stay with me as we journey through what goes through my head when I hear these. Enjoy:
- "I don't know how to cook."
Really?? Go learn. There should be pride in knowing how to cook, I cant understand why people keep saying: ladies: "it is not my thing" or guys: "it is a lady's job". Cooking is like a hobby. When you get it right, you are proud of yourself. Try Try Try, Burn the pot, cause a mess, but get better at it! It will come in as a plus in the future. Whether or not your spouse wishes or knows how to cook, you should be comfortable enough to rule that kitchen when you go in. Guys, you don't need to burn up the jelly looking bodies of your girlfriend or spouse because you want her in the kitchen 24/7. Is that how you met her, looking burnt? Spoil her a little, show her that cooking is a nut you can chew too, and she will be proud to show you off to the world. And ladies, after a long day of work there should be something special made for the belly. Everyday must not always be an "eat-out" day. Let him appreciate you while you are there. Nobody was born with "award-winning COOK" on his or her forehead. It's all education.
- "I don't use make up. It is too artificial."
No earrings, no makeup, no jewelry, no lipstick, no nail polish. Okay do it your way, but make sure that when you get to heaven, you have a confident note to God saying, "I enjoyed it all, thank you for a worth while experience on earth". Relax and enjoy your life. Love and Live every moment so that there is a story to tell your kids. On the other hand, if you do use artificials extra boosters, do NOT over do it. That is even more irritating. Less is more. A tad bit here and there will be just right. It might break a couple of necks when people have to turn 180 degrees just to stare at your pretty face and appreciate God's own creation.
- "I'm not ready for a relationship for now."
Is that why you sit in you room by yourself and lock the door? Even the angel cannot come inside to collect the rib and make your soul mate. Stand up from that sad pathetic place, go out of your comfort zone and make decent friends. HIGHLIGHT... DECENT!!! You must not go clubbing and grinding before you know that you are having fun. If you are the church princess, rock that church well so that when people see you they know that you are fun, action-packed and full of life. Not someone always looking depressed that we are not too sure whether talking to you will help our lives or whether we are the ones to be of help to you.
- "I am an introvert."
Sure! Everyone has his or her moments. But babygeh, being an introvert doesn't mean you cannot pull off an interesting conversation. People often hide under the cover of "being an introvert", attempting to explain why they cannot talk intelligently. If you are not intelligent (book wise), then do something else: Write. Design clothes. Become a fashion model. Take acting classes. Sing. Dance. Make beats. Paint. Start a business. If you feel comfortable doing something because it is your strength, do it ooo! Rub it in people's faces and let them be jealous. It is you and the talent is yours. Rock it!
- "It's just down the road, I don't need to take off my pajamas."
REALLY?? I cannot emphasize enough the importance of dressing. Some people just think: oh! it's not to far away. My friend, pull out that iron and save yourself from the mockery outside. How dare you leave your house looking unkempt? What's wrong with you? Who knows, maybe that's when 'a girl' the girl (yes! that girl that you have been eyeing) will walk by and SHE WILL SEE YOU and say "hi Emeka" then you'd shamefully look down at your green, red and brown un-ironed shirt with Pinocchio pajama pants and bathroom slippers, unbrushed hair, yellow teeth and a sticky breath. Dang! If I were close by, I will just slap you! You should cringe in agony. If you do not have money (which is usually the first line of excuse), manage what you have and please match your few colors well. Do yourself a favor and stay away from color blocking until you are very aware of colors that look right together. IRON your clothes. PLEASE!! Keep the bathroom slippers in the bathroom, save up money and buy yourself a nice looking sandal. Put on a watch, earring, bracelet, whatever you can afford. Put on chap-stick! I see guys rolling around town with helpless looking lips. "Mehn, that is a female thing, guys don't use such" dey dere ooo! You don lick the lips so teh ee don dey beg because it stinks of dried saliva. Eww! The cracked items will start ripping apart and getting bloody. Only the frogs will come kissing. Help yourself out biko.
- "We are not on talking terms, he was not my type."
So you wouldn't ever talk to him again? What if he ends up becoming your boss or the doctor on call after your best friend was involved in a ghastly accident? Always close up a relationship well. You never know what may happen in the future. Some people jilt others and think it will never catch up with them... are you a learner? happy new year...! No matter what happened, try to end on a good slate. You don't want to see yourself losing out on your dream contract just because you didn't properly end a relationship you had the chance to close nicely.
- "You have to fight to win my smile"
What??? Ke le wi? What world do you live in? Learn how to laugh. If you don't already! I have learned that no matter where you are from, a smile or laughter speaks very highly of you. It makes people feel welcomed to talk or interact with you. Practice. Laugh in front of the mirror, listen to yourself. You don't want to sound like a squirrel or like Shrek. Practice and exhibit that radiant glow on your face, it will naturally and effortlessly attract people to you.
- "There are so many fishes in the sea"
We have to first of all make sure that you are not talking about the Dead Sea. Because there are no fishes in it sef. Even in a regular ocean, there is the whale, the shark, the gold fish, the crayfish. Sistah! Too many unequally sized fishes dey that place. If you want let your whale go because you are chasing a crayfish, na you sabi.
- "Why aren't people calling me? Must I always be the only one calling?"
My dear, that is the real life. Just remember that no matter who is calling, enjoy the moment. If you feel like you are pushing too much, then take a break. This will make the other person respect you a little. However, take time out of your busy day/week to speak to the one you love the most. To some, this may be a supernatural supreme being, while to others it may be a human. Let them know how much you love them. Life is short. Find something to believe in and believe in it! Find someone to love and love him/her to death. Whether I am the one calling or you are kind enough to remember me, people are here today and gone tomorrow. We may or may not have the privilege of knowing what will happen next. The last thing you want to say is "if I had known".
I actually loved doing this. Send me more questions if you have any.
From my heart to yours,
Berry.
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